Thoughts you have during summer

It's officially been summer here in the UK for over a month now, but I can't help feeling the weather has only just caught up with the calendar. Either way, I'm not complaining, because everything is just so much easier now that the sun is shining and England has decided to chill with the rain for a bit. Yesterday, I even got the chance to sunbathe! I know, I was just as astounded as you are. Of course, a rise in temperatures also means that bodies used to hoods and wooly socks go into a minor state of shock. Us Brits aren't used to this kind of weather, for god's sake! Everybody bulk buy plastic plates! This is a national state of emergency!

Whether or not you're in England and were invited over the weekend to drink Kopparberg in a beer garden, I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in some of these thoughts I have throughout the (admittedly short) summer period. I mean come on, how can anybody like flip flops?

ice cream by the pool

Reasons I'll delete you on Facebook

I like to think that I'm a pretty zen person. I'm annoyingly optimistic, I spend most of my time with a cup of tea in my hand (which makes it very hard to not be content with life), I even do yoga for God's sake! But, if there's one thing that has the capacity to make me angry with a side order of "I'm about to delete a bitch!", then it's Facebook.

Yes, I do scroll down my newsfeed on a daily basis. Yes, I do update my profile picture relatively regularly. Yes, I do enjoy the relics it drags up from Year 9 neon parties. But no, I will not waver when I say that it is hands down the single most frustrating social media platform out there. To be fair to Mark, it's not really Facebook's fault. It's more the fact that it gives a space within which people feel comfortable spouting utter crap confidently. I know that's basically the case with the whole of the internet. But Facebook just seems to attract the most anger inducing people around and scoop them all into one meme filled, minion-tastic mess.

I mean, I don't delete people regularly because 1. I for some reason think I'll one day confront them using my keyboard (spoiler alert: never gonna happen) and 2. I'm scared they're going to ask me about it in the street at some point. But, if I did ever take a deep breath and delete you, it would be for one of the following reasons.

The failures of sex education

Every few years throughout my life at school I would be sent home with a permission slip. A little piece of paper requesting that my parents declare that I was in fact allowed to be taught about my own anatomy in the form of mildly scaring sexual education lessons. When such slips were handed out by red-faced form tutors, I already knew what to expect: the separation of the boys and girls, an unqualified teacher telling us about periods who would rather be discussing trigonometry or The Battle of Hastings, and an anonymous question box. All in all, not a fun (or entirely educational, for that matter) experience.

I've spoken about the sucky education system in the UK and what we weren't taught about our periods previously but, frankly, I have enough anger towards the curriculum to fill way more than two posts. So, today I'm focusing on just how shitty the English (and assumedly many other Western countries') sexual education lessons really are. I've been through it. I've come out of the other side of it. I've had a few years to marinade in the lessons it tried to teach me. And I'm calling bullshit on all of it.

An interview with a 5-year-old

My little sister Lucie regularly astounds me. Not only can she remember each and every word to Air Guitar by McBusted (trust me, I've heard it whilst still half asleep at 7am), but she is single-handedly the most socially aware individual I know. She's always the first person in the room to realise that you're feeling a bit crappy and offer you a cuddle. She's 5!

As you probably guessed from my post "Lessons adults should learn from kids", I feel like kids have got the whole living life thing down to a tee. Which is why I decided to interview my scrumptious little pudding of a sister to see what else the untainted mind of a child can teach an oldie like me. Some of her answers kind of took my breath away and made me realise how simple life really can be when you forget everything society has taught you over the years.

Prepare for the bit where she talks about "fashion". You will cry.

Thoughts you have whilst taking a bath

There's a 90% chance that at any time, regardless of what I'm doing, I'll be  simultaneously day dreaming about having a bath. I may look like I'm typing up a blog post but trust me, in my mind I just plopped in an Experimenter and am already reading a book and exfoliating. Like, "sorry, what was that? I missed it because I was imagining slathering myself in coconut oil like a queen."

Guys, I know I'm an extreme case. I totally recognise that I have a slight problem when it comes to bubbles that smell good. My bank account tells me so at least once a week. But, thanks to the likes of Instagram, I know I'm not the only one who's in love with (addicted to) a good ol' bath. Which is why I'm pretty sure that, if you live within 2 hours of a Lush store/frequent any social media pages, you've experienced having some of these thoughts after dedicating a night to soaking away your troubles.

My least favourite Lush products

Conspiracy theory: Lush bury mildly addictive drugs into their bubble bars. I become utterly incapable of walking past one of their shops without going in. And despite the ever dwindling nature of my student loan, I still buy 50 different types of soap.

I mean, alternatively I could just lack all kinds of self-control when it comes to 1. glitter, 2. sweet smells and 3. baths. But I'm pretty sure it's the drug thing.

Basically, the point I'm trying to make here is that I'm a big fan of Lush. Sometimes I even call myself a Lushie, because I like the fact that I can be a part of a fandom without having to go to concerts full of 14-year-olds and can just sit in a mass of bubbles, drinking tea instead. I wholeheartedly support everything Lush are doing in regards to saving the planet and making me smell good, so this post isn't just me being a negative nancy (I wrote about my favourite products before, stop judging me!). I'm genuinely hoping that this will save you money and/or disappointment the next time you spend way too much money on bath products.

If I want to prove that I'm a proper blogger, this is where I point out that these opinions are totally subjective and that the products may very well work for you, right?

A tour of my body

Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to tonight's Grand Tour! I hope you're all excited, because what you're about to witness is a truly once in a lifetime experience. Over the next half an hour, you will get a rare glimpse behind the Instagram filters and flattering poses, at a creature who has a natural habitat of blanket burritos. For one night only, we  have placed her in a well-lit arena for your viewing purposes, so that you can become acquainted with the body that stands before you. No enlarged pore or patch of cellulite will go amiss. Please keep your arms inside the cart at all times. Do not feed the Bethany, unless it is halloumi. 

This tour was brought to you by caffeine-fueled bravery.  

(FYI the words in italics totally need to be read in a ringmaster-esque voice. Are we on the same page? Cool.)